Time is an Illusion.

Gram

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 05:27:05 GMT

My grandma knightes(my mom's mom) might die soon. She has been in and out of the hospital for the past few years, for various reasons. Second year we had a really big scare because there was something wrong with her internally, and they couldn't figure out what it was. She just wouldn't stop bleeding. My mom drove out there every couple of days to see her. She apparently looked terrible, and she told my Dad to "watch over her daughter for her". She thought she was dying. We all did. We were all so certain that she was on her deathbed that I was hoping that she wouldn't die till after my finals, so I could go to her funeral. Well, I would go to her funeral anyway. Anyway, somehow, she pulled through it. And she got a lot better. And, she has been doing a lot better. Except for swolen legs, and diabetes, and all the other shit wrong with her, she's been great. Anyway, last week she went to the doctor. I don't know all the details. Anyway, they were concerned with how much water she was retaining. So, after some tests, they found out one of her kidneys is completely dead. The other only had 20% function. Meaning her body can't sycle out the water. Meaning, she's just going to continue filling up with fluid. And eventually, it's going to crush her heart. It's called Congestive Heart Failure. She could go any day now. She has a max of a few months. Maybe. I don't know. She has pulled through similar stuff in the past. I can't count the number of times my mom has warned me that gram could go at any time. So, in mind, she has always been dying. This time though, I have this sinking bad feeling. I don't like it. I barely have any experience with death. My grandpa died when I was in 4th grade, so it wasnt that real to me, I mean, I was only 8. My brother was 5. The realest death we have experienced is our dog Tanner. That was so traumatic. I was close to hysterical a few times then. I couldn't even go outside when they buried him. I went out after. I have a feeling this is how I am going to want to react. Just avoid it, and it wont be real. But, I want to be there for my family. So, I guess I will have to face it. Death is really scary to me. Mostly because I like to question the meaning of life, so I guess I am also always questioning the meaning of death. I don't know. We'll see what happens. My family is going out to see her tomorrow. I haven't seen her since summer, so it will be nice. I don't know, she has sorta always been suffering. And, this year, she had this big surprise party with a lot of the family there. And that side of the family has a lot of people. So, it was nice. I don't know what the family is gonna do without her. In some way, she has always kept them together.

On another note, Bobby told me that Stephanie Anthony killed herself this week. She was a few years older than us at school. I didn't know her, neither of us did. But it's still weird. She was a stripper, and really into drugs apparently. I tried to look her up online, and the only thing that popped up were field hockey rocords and stuff from high school. How can someone go from being a great field hockey player and having some form of dream in highschool to killing yourself after working in a strip club? It makes me sad, and concerned for people.

I don't want death to enter my safe world.

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 22:23:58 GMT

So, the schedule:

Mon: NOTHING!!

Tue: 9:30-4:45 Fiber Elective with Deborah Carlson
5:00-10:00 Animation 1 with The Fleish

Wed: 9:30-4:45 TIME Seminar with Kasumi and Baumlier

Thu: 9:30-4:45 Bimedical 3D Texture Mapping with Amanda Almon
5:00-7:30 Screenwriting with Bloomfield

Fri: 9:30-4:00 Video Basics 1 with Lee Will

Tuesday and Thursday classes should be fun... nice full days.
And I am still having second thoughts about Fiber. Even though I want to make some cool guys for animating........

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 00:14:42 GMT

This is my final story for Fiction Writing that was due today. I want to turn it into a stop motion animation. What does everyone think.

Amy Gardiner
The Star Smasher

I hate the dust. It hangs heavy in the air. Though there’s not much to see in this bleak world, I prefer the dismal landscape to the clouds of choking powder. As I trudge I can feel the compressed layers shift under my feet. They are the compacted years. It’s everywhere, it’s everything. It's the powdered remains of the dreams that have decayed with time. Not that time is of any meaning here. The only measurement there is the length of time it takes a fallen star to disintegrate into nothing.
I watched one once. Watched it turn to powder. I merely sat there and let it go. This star was a particularly beautiful one. The dream it contained had been cherished once. Someone had cared and polished it with all the love they possessed. The images it contained were crisp. I could see a silhouette moving, growing. Faces would come in and out of focus, a laughing child, a young man grinning with a glint of mischief in his eye, the shy smirk from a beautiful woman. This man has wished to create joy. But here, in this broken star, his goal slept. Forgotten. It makes me wonder what makes people forget their dreams, to turn away from their aspirations. But this star died magnificently. It slowly crumbled away. It’s intricately designed exterior become full of holes, and the images that the dream held shattered and were lost to the dust, lost forever. The glint mischief became just one more speck in the dust. The horror of it brought tears to my eyes, and I wept. I wept for them for they turned into the dust that I have grown to hate.
The dust, it truly is everything. It is the stars, it is the ground, it is the very air I breathe. Sometimes, I wonder if I am made of the very same powder. It covers every inch of my body and is buried into the fiber of my clothes. With every breath II take I can feel more of it getting into my system. I bet my very blood has turned to sand. Everything here becomes this dust. Except for me. I will not decay. Nothing dies here but stars. Though I may look worn and old, that is but the effect of the dust. Exposed for years, it has taken its toll on me. The powder cuts the skin at times, clings to my flesh, adding the illusion of years. I am the same age now as the day I came to this place. I think. It was so long ago I can’t remember it.
I feel as though I have always been here. Been in this dust. I hate it so much. But it is for reasons more than being a filthy residue that chokes my lungs. The true horror of this dust is not forgotten by me. I remember everyday as I stare at the sky. If day it should be called. There is never any change in the twilight, no sun to rise to mark the hours. No way to measure the passage of years. The one thing that is there is the twinkle of the living lights in the sky. The dream stars. The very things that remind me of the true horror of this place. The dust has been created by the death of these beautiful dreams. A single star is sad enough. It grows dimmer then goes out completely. I watch it fall. It lies forgotten in the dust, unknown to those that once gave them power. But this dust was not made from the death of a single star. No, this was made by the death of millions of dreams. They lay in disgrace, pitied by the glowing ones above.
And with these hands, I smash the stars. The only thing I have in my possession is my hammer. And after I read the star, after I examine the details of its surface and images within, I set it in the dust and take up my hammer from my belt. It is small, light in weight, but stars are fragile and if tapped in the right place, they disintegrate. My hammer, which I have always had, had in the same way that I have always been here. And it is the only thing here that I know is not made of the dust. I think it repels them, as I have never seen a particle cling to it. Maybe the star dust fears my hammer, I am not sure. But it gives me comfort. And with one tap from it I can create a shower of particles to join the dust.
Though I hate the dust, I love the stars. And it is for them that I destroy them. After watching a star decay, I feel that I must help them. A dream does not deserve to slowly crumble into nothingness. Even if they are sweet, simple small dreams that decay extremely quickly in comparison to the largest aspiration, they should be loved. I hate the dreamers for forgetting their heart’s aspirations. I hate them for allowing this, for allowing their star to fall. It is out of pity for the star that I do this. One tap and the misery of being left alone is gone. Their misery, my misery. At least I think so. I don’t know if stars have feelings. They are dead, so no, I guess they don’t. But I am here. I am here alone with them. I alone feel their pain. Only for me, there is no release. There is no man with a hammer above me, ready to take away the pain. This place, this place of broken dreams, this place truly is despair.
Despair is a concept I ponder quite frequently. The lack of hope, the true horror of one’s powerlessness. I wonder if others have felt this as much as I. Sometimes, when the dust wins and I grow tired and frustrated, I lie upon the ground and stare up. If I lay quit still, the dust will settle. It takes a long time but if I have learned anything here it is patience. I stare at the sky, once the dust clouds die down, and I find the living stars there. The beauty of them revealed as they sparkle in the darkness. They laugh. Or rather, I feel I can hear them. It’s a light laughter coming from the heavens. And I would laugh with them. They are my friends here when there is nothing else. I can tell the stars anything. Not that they haven’t heard my thoughts before. But they never know the answers to my questions. I ask them about their dreamers. What is so special about them? And what is it about their stars that keep them from losing hope? What stops them from falling from the sky? Because there must be something. Something that the others didn’t think of. Something that these dreamers are doing that allows them to avoid that despair. I mean, what could the others be doing wrong? I don’t know, I can’t comprehend it. I don’t know how anyone could forget their dreams. They are just so lovely. I think I may watch them now…

Hello dream stars. Can you hear my thoughts right now? How are you today? There are so many of you. You know, you are my only light in this darkness. You are the only thing that keeps me sane here. How do you stay sane, looking down on this horrid place? Seeing your brothers fall screaming? The small ones crumbling in the air, the largest stubbornly trying to stay whole in this place. But, I relieve them of their suffering for you, don’t worry. Can you see me? I must be so hard to spot. I must look like a dust speck to you. Ha ha, I must look to you like that which I hate. But trust me, I am here. Oh dream stars, I wish I could be with you. Are there others like me with you? Instead of destroying, maybe creating? I would like to do that. I would live to polish your beautiful surfaces. I love you all. And I hate what the dreamers do to you. I hate them so much. You know, if they hadn’t given up on their aspirations, maybe I wouldn’t be here. Maybe I could live with you, in your land of light. Maybe this place wouldn’t exist. This horrible dust. I hate it! It disgusts me in a way I can’t describe. I loath it. And I must lay in it to see you clearly. How disgustingly filthy. Oh, I can see one of you growing dim. You will fall soon. I am coming little star, I will relieve your pain.
The trail you leave behind as you fall is quit spectacular. It’s silvery and sparkly. Your light still isn’t quit gone even after you hit the dust. I didn’t know if you knew that or not. But I am coming. I can see your blurry dim glow in the distance. It sort of reflects off of the dust. It is actually kind of pretty.

Hello little star. I am here. It took me awhile to get to you, you were so far away. You are so small. Can you hear me still? I can barely see your glow. Are you sleeping? I wonder, who gave up on you? I can see in your images the silhouette of a dancing woman. I can see flashes of strange figures. Oh, they are individual people in masks. I believe it’s some sort of performance. That’s a sweet dream for someone, to entertain their fellow man. That’s a dream that could be done. What made her stop? I can’t believe that she killed her dream. I am sorry little star. This will not hurt I don’t think. Just lay here for a second while I get out my hammer. Your surface is already becoming tarnished. At least you were not a concrete dream, one that was a person’s life goal that would not want to die. At least you do not hold on to your existence. Goodbye star. I love you.
Goodbye star. That is what I always say. Goodbye star. It’s always goodbye. I wish that I wasn’t constantly saying goodbye. I am the only thing that never leaves. I can never leave. The monotony is almost maddening. But I have my task. I have to find the stars piled in the dust. Even with all the years that I have been smashing I haven’t gotten them all. I wish I could get out. Get out of this place. I can’t stand it here, here inside my head. I don’t know if the stars hear me, they don’t talk to me. So I sometimes think I am talking to myself. I want out of here though. I accepted defeat long ago. There is no way out of here. I just continue. Destroying…

I found you little star. You thought you could hide in the dust didn’t you. I didn’t mean to kick you just then, I just couldn’t see you down there. I can see you were loved by a man who wanted a family. I can see little flashes of children laughing and a smiling woman holding a baby. Oh look, the children are graduating from high school in this image. That is a dream I see quite often. I can see you really were holding onto this dream, you haven’t decayed too much. Well, I better stop your suffering. Goodbye star. I love you.

I bet it would have been fun to have a family. To have people you love around you all the time. Then I wouldn’t be forced to talk to myself all the time. I mean the stars. I don’t know. Who knows who hears my thoughts? I hope the dust can hear them. Then it would know how angry it makes me. Disgusting stuff really. Trudging through it all, walking endless miles for endless years. My hammer by my side, my only true companion. It’s surface not tainted by the dust. This place is horror, I wish I could leave, but it will never happen. But no matter, I must smash. I think I see a small glow ahead.

Hello dream star. How long have you been here? You are partially buried, but yet I can still see a faint glow. I will have to pull you out. You seem to be much bigger than I expected, you aren’t budging. Here, let me move some of this filth off of you. My god, you are huge. I have never seen any star of your scale. The person who created you had a huge aspiration. I can’t believe that they forgot you. You, who are of such a magnificent scale. You are bigger than I! Your crystalline structure is so intricate, yet weathered from the dust. Dream star, you have protected your contained dreams for a long time haven’t you? You must hate the person who abandoned you. Don’t worry, I will help you. But I must know of the dreams you contain. I can’t see into you that well though, you are so scarred. Let me try to polish a place with my dirty ragged sleeve. I can see a little. Your crystal is so thick, it’s hard to see. Wait, I can see some images. It’s a male silhouette. He seems to be pushing something… I think he is moving dirt. That isn’t that magnificent. Wait, there is more. There is a huge machine. He is shoveling the dirt into it. And there is something coming out of the other end. I can’t see what it is though. But what is it about this dream that is so magnificent? There are flashes of people, but they are muddled, as if I am looking through two layers of glass. Wait, here comes a new image. The other end of the machine is pointed at the sky. I can see flashes flying quickly from it into the sky. Are these fireworks? Star, what do you contain? Let me polish a bit more. I can see another image coming. It is the same figure, pushing dirt around into this machine. I can’t see his face. This all seems really familiar though, as if I have seen it before. Maybe someone had a similar dream? I can’t remember. But it is awakening a strange emotion in me. Star, you are feeling me with dread. I don’t think I want to see anymore, but I am compelled to watch still longer. What is this place? Where are the other people? I see flashes, but not with this being. Where is he? What is he? I fear for him. Star, what are you showing me? What are you telling me? I must find the answer to you. He appears to be breaking things, and then carting the remains to the machine. That dirt he pushes, it reminds me of the dust of this place. The way it reflects the starlight in there. I wish I had a cart to push powder around in here, I would collect it to get rid of it. And a shovel like his. That would be nice. At least I have my hammer. That machine just keeps chugging away that dirty dust. I wonder what it is making. They remind me of the fallen stars. Only, the falling stars are never that bright. Nor do they fly so fast. What is he doing? If I didn’t know better, I would say that this is a star creator. Pushing dust into a machine to create dreams. What an amazing aspiration to have. I wonder where that person exists. I have never seen anyone here, so there must be another dust filled world. I wish I could be there creating stars, not breaking them. Wait, I can see the figure clearer now. I want to see his face, the face of the man that gave up on such an amazing dream. The being that not only let himself down, but those the stars are made for. It is getting closer… no. It can’t be. This doesn’t make any sense. He is me.
My hammer. It is made for a purpose. To break stars. But it was not alone once. It had a shovel companion, and was used to move and break the dead stars. I remember that place. That machine. It is almost as if I were there. But I can’t remember. No, wait. I remember turning from the machine. I was angry because I was creating things for others without getting anything in return. Creating dreams without any of my own. I was jealous. Dream star, what does this mean? Was I once a star maker? It can’t be. I wouldn’t leave that behind because of jealousy. That is an amazing responsibility, no, a privilege. I am not like those I see. I am not one of those who lose their dreams, turning from their true purpose because of weakness. I hate those people. I hate them for creating the dust. But what does this star mean then? Star, why are you doing this to me? I came here to relieve you, and you spite me by showing images of things I could only dream of. Wait… did I say dream of? These are images of a purpose I could only dream of. My dream. This is my dream. No… I am that which I have grown to hate over the years? I was once the creator of dreams, and yet I created a broken dream by forgetting my aspirations. I am so sorry… I loved you. How could I let this happen? I have been blaming people for years for killing their stars, and yet, I have done the same! I am terrible. I wish to wipe my tears, but my hands are covered in this hated dust. Hated dust? How could I hate this dust?! It is the fuel that creates the new stars! No. I have hated everything about myself. Self loathing. Utter despair, not caused by the hatred of others but that of myself. I am sorry star. I can’t stand to see this dream anymore. I must destroy you. My hammer is poised. Goodbye star. I am sorry.
Wait?! No, you broke it! You broke my hammer! The only thing I had left. Now, I have no purpose. I have never seen that machine place of star beginnings here. I can’t remember where it is. I have forgotten it. I can’t regain that knowledge just because I have seen you. I can’t return to my old life. I can’t. I don’t know where to go. I don’t know where to start the search. And you are here just to remind me of that which I have lost. For the first time I sympathize with those forgotten dreamers. Those dreamers that I hated. How do people go on after they lose everything? When the despair grows in their hearts, tearing them to pieces on the inside? After they realize they have lost it all? I have nothing.

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 03:10:27 GMT

So, as many people have done, I am going to reflect on the past year.
What have I done this year?

I got accepted into the T.I.M.E department.
I moved into a new house with Liz.
I found out that boomboxes can dance.
I learned that Hockey is a game best played on a portacouch. Haha!
I got a job at BD’s Mongolian BBQ.
I made a kick ass DVD.
I learned some Maya and After effects, and made kick ass animations.
I learned how to live in a computer lab.
I made a ton of new friends (AK!, J^2, Steph, Emma, Alex, Kartal, Carolyn, Michael, Vanessa, Kevin, and Robert just to name a few)
I have rekindled old friendships (Jill, Red Zak, Mike)
I have learned that Liz and I are hard to live with.
Liz and I both learned that we talk to much, and I have slept in her room for most of the semester.
I tried Marijuana.
I got publicly drunk at a party.
I learned that Tom Hanks is the devil.
I beat strep throat with Orange Juice and a few missed days of school and work.
Started eating Chipotle every Wednesday with Steph, Emma, and Alex.
I made a fur coat.
Became an Assistant Pimp thanks to Kartal.
Made paper snowflakes for the lab.
I made my brother’s ex cry.
I have even more matching clothes.
I have learned that I make a better boyfriend.
I stopped caring so much about stupid things.
I highly approve of my brother’s current girlfriend because she treats him so well and brings out the best in him. =D
I went to my first anime con.
I make a damn good Monarch Henchman.
I made Liz’s mom laugh. Am I good or what?
I own 4 wookies… 6 wookies? A ton of freakin’ wookies. And the retarded wookie is loved.
I named him Thomas, and he won’t let Ethan play.
I learned that cats from Giant Eagles bring love to any computer, not just my own.
I made fucking awesome pizza with Bobby.
I took Dynamics of Space, and I still don’t know if I learned anything. I just don’t know!
I went to a gay club and saw a drag show.
Liz tought me how to grind. Haha
I collected mulitple stuffies for my studio.
I learned that Mike is a bad influence.
I don’t like making people cry, but sometimes it happens.
I somehow ended up under a bridge looking at a “hobo nest”.
I found that the Syracuse mall is not the answer to boredom. Haha.
I learned the word Tangbucket.
I am a part of Froth.
I didn’t start an animation club.
And, I think that list is long enough. Happy New Year everyone!

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 03:17:51 GMT

Liz and I were the Monarch Henchmen at Otakon this year. It was fucking awesome! We had over 200 ppictures taken of us. Oh yeah. Why are we so damn cool?

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 02:36:26 GMT

I like life, life likes me. Me and life do surely agree.

Sat, 23 Jul 2005 03:20:21 GMT

They call me Sonic... 'cause I am faster than sound, I keep on jumpin' around.
Blue hedgehog, Sonic. With Incredible speed, I'm movin' my feet.

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 23:36:01 GMT

So, I just got back from my trip home for the 4th of July. Liz, Zach, AK, and I all took a little road trip back to my house from Saturday to Wednesday. It was totally awesome, and it felt great to see my family again. Saturday we left at about 6pm, reached my house at about 1am. Went to sleep, got up sunday and went to the renaissance festival. That was fun. I wore my costume from last year, Liz wore a mix of her stuff and my stuff to the fair. Zach created an assasin outfit for the occasion and AK borrowed my dad's costume. Bobby came with us too. It was a lot of fun. I think Bobby ate like, everything that he possibly could at the festival. I got sick at one point, and I think it was because of a mixture of heat, a lot of water, and a lot of dust getting into my system. Oh well, I was fine. Plus it didn't ruin any of my fun. Zach threw knives, AK threw tomatos, and both shot arrows. So, we have some fun pictures of that. Bobby ate, ate, and ate. So we have pictures of that too, haha. And I kept tripping on my skirt, haha. Um, we left there, went home and ate some awesome chicken that my parents made for us. Yum, and I think that night we went swimming and had our adult swim party. Funness, Bobby finally saw Robot Chicken. Monday we got up and I drove us to PA to buy fireworks. After getting confused on the road I was driving I finally got onto the highway. I drove the highway! Yay! Yeah, for those who don't know, I have always avoided highways because they make me nervous. Well, they make me nervous when I am the one driving anyway. So, I am proud of me. Bought fireworks. went back to my house, watched Snatch. That's a pretty good movie, made by the same people who did Mean Machine, which is a must see movie. Then, about a half hour later I had a little "party" at my house in which a few highschool friends came over. Monika, Kirsten with her boyfriend Derek, Jessica, and Jen came, oh, and lets not forget Bobby. Haha. It was fun, we ate, went out to icecream, and hung out at the playground at the CEA, my elementery school. Um... went home, set off fireworks, did some night swimming. I love swimming... sigh. Um... Tuesday, we went to this new Anime store that just opened up, and we each got some stuff, except for AK. It wasn't really the kind of place he would find interesting, but I tried to keep him occupied at least. I still think he should have bought the little Pikachu bank for his car, haha. So, we skipped going to the porn shop, because I honestly had no idea where to find one. Went to Coutnry Wagon, bought some munchies and pastries and then went to the little cemetery up the road and ate them. Liz and I wandered the cemetery while AK took some pictures. Zach sat in the car because the bugs were bothering him. For a boy scout, he really can't handle nature very well sometimes. haha. Then we went to Regal and saw Batman Begins. Wasn't that bad of a movie, but I thought it was a little too long. Also, some of the story didn't seem to flow well. I don't know, at some points I just wasn't following. Maybe it is because I kept getting distracted by the almond I was eating. Notice, I said almond, not almonds. Haha. Then, we went to Olive Garden. The Olive Garden. The --Olive Garden in which I barfed about 2 years all over a wall, booth, and almost all over this elderly couple. It was nice. Went home, Bobby came over to say his goodbyes. Went to sleep, woke up this morning and drove back to Cleveland. Road along listening to Madonna, Strong Bad, and other wonderful things. Kept things lively. And so now here I am. Liz is at her orientation at Target, because she just got a job there. YAY! Go Liz! Zach left with his mom to fo spend time with his brother. I think this is a good thing. He has been a little weird lately. Maybe some family time will fix him. AK is laying on my bed doing what he is always doing. Homework. At least I have company though. Yay! But, overall, I think it was a nice trip. I liked seeing my family, old friends, and current friends all at once. Plus, my brother may be an ass, but I did get to have a little alone time with him in which he showed some music videos and stuff just like old times. Ha, not that I really care about the music he likes, because I think it all sounds like crap. But I do like to see the excited glow in his eye when he is showing me something that he likes. :D

Mon, 27 Jun 2005 21:52:25 GMT

::Wear Me Down:: by Blur

Every time I come here I'm not sure what to say. I know it should be easy but it never seems that way.
You, you make me feel, like no one ever will.
So why, why do you bore me? Until my heart is still...

You.. you wear me down. My defenses are gone now And I can't fight.

I can't say I love you easily but you wouldn't want me to. So I'd rather just say nothing And leave it up to you. Then it's easy to forget you're iust as small as me. Then it's easy to forget you're just as foolish as me.

You.. You wear me down. My defenses are gone now And I can't fight.

Bore me? Like a drill into brains? Brrrewwwpllllppppllppp (insert gore drill noise)
Yes, everyone. Amy is in one of those moods again. She seems distant at times, as if there is something on her mind. And there is. But, it is something that she doesnt talk about because she is weird. So, she is going to listen to Blur, draw in photoshop, and think. Think about her restless dreams. Sigh.

And I have an unfortunate announcement. Mace, Liz's wonderful dog, is dying. She is flying home now. He is dying of some weird disease that isnt quite cancer, but it is something bad. He doesn't walk anymore. So, she is flying home because they are putting him to sleep. It is very very sad, and Liz is very upset about it. So, Ethan and Mal, I think you should both call her. I know it will cheer her up hearing your voices. I know she doesnt plan on actually seeing any of her friends while she is home, but just hearing from you guys will make her happy I think. Just you know, spread some love. I will miss Mace too.

Thu, 09 Jun 2005 04:04:00 GMT

Me: "Hey Liz... That guy behind us would make a great big bad wolf in a three little pigs live action."

Liz: "Where do you get this stuff? What is wrong with you?!"

Tue, 07 Jun 2005 20:51:51 GMT

Liz is whining at me because I am making a post. I only get two minutes so I better type fast. Um... I cant think cause she is yelling at me! Ahh! What did I need to say? She wont leave me alone! Um, yesterday Zach, Dan, Liz, and I went to Lakewood Park and walked down to the water and climbed on the rocks. It was fun, and we went to another park and climbed to the top of the world and looked at the water and the sunbathers. We were wishing snakes upon them. Dan really creeped me out a bit though because he kept touching me. Ick ick. Liz just threatened to throw her bed at me, I am scared. Um, Zach was very sad because we were in Lakewood and it brought back bad memories. He has been kind of sad lately, and we can't help him. Oh well.

Last night was our interview with Strickland's. It went well, he said he would get back to us withing 48 hours. I will hopefully end up scooping icecream at Indians games the whole summer. That seems like it would be fun... I have never even been to a baseball game. Hmmm... uh. What else. Got icecream late last night at Giant Eagle with Liz and Ak... we saw the midget. Yes, we are terrible people and that brought us joy. And we watched The Cat's Meow, which is an Eddie Izzard movie. It was pretty good, and it has eddie which is even better. Um...

Today we gave our old landlord our keys. Yes, moving on. Life is good. Today Liz and I are partying because she leaves me tomorrow for 5 days. I will be all alone... boo hoo. Course, our partying means we are napping in the living room with soda and a movie. But we dont have anything else to do other than assemble a desk, so movie time it is. Love it! I am easily amused, and I am glad. It makes life easier.

Sat, 04 Jun 2005 08:01:29 GMT

Yeah, so right now I really want to go lay in the grass and stare at the stars. But there are a few things holding me back. One, it's really wet out there. It has been trying to rain all day. Two, I am afraid of the dark, meaning possums and raccoons and such, and wouldn't want to be out there by myself. Three, well, three is also the threat of land sharks attacking me while I am down. So, anyone want to go stargazing sometime? Haha! You will be the distraction when the sharks attack, so I can flee to safety. Don't worry, I will send someone to help. Wahahaha? Anyway...

Goodnight, Sleeptight, and watch out for land Sharks. I hear they have bloodlust. Ooo, ahhh.

So, this is actually an old post from my Xanga. I have been posting in my old Xanga page recently, just because I have been working out my own personal stuff. But anyway, I was going to stop posting here, but apparently I have a small audiance that thinks my posts are funny. Haha, so, sending out my hello to Mal and her friends that apparently read my posts but never leave messages :*( . Haha, im kidding, there are no tears here. But, know that I will be posting here again because I have learned that I do bring a little cheer to the lives of some. Hahaha.

Sun, 15 May 2005 04:24:36 GMT

::Giggle::... I am happy.

Mon, 02 May 2005 00:44:25 GMT

Everything has been pretty much moved into the new house. Been having a lot of fun there. Gave the grand tour to Aaron last night, and for some reason a cat kept following us around. I couldn't see it, but I could tell it was there. Liz and I slept in the living room on our mattresses because we didn't want to sleep alone yet. It's funny, but then again it isn't. Blah Blah Blah. Looking forward to going home, though I also look forward to coming back and working. I have been confused lately. Very. But that's ok, because it is a part of being a human being.

Yo soy un hamberguesa con queso?

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 07:37:55 GMT

I love the new house a lot. It has so much space, plenty for the gaming. Tonight we had a movie night, watched Club Dred, Triplets of Bellvile, and Shaun of the Dead. Derek, Jon, Ross, AK, Zach, me, Liz, and Ethan. AK got lost finding it, though I don't know why because I give amazing directions... or maybe not? Oh well. But, anyway, Triplets of Bellvile is a beautiful movie. It is an animated film without dialogue. It is positively amazing. And the other two are wonderfil as well, because they are just damn funny.

I look forward to more movie nights.

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 08:16:27 GMT

I am fucked.

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 15:56:42 GMT

Last night was fun. I got to harass a Tracy Chapman fan and I had a potato thrown at me. Not to mention fun movies and getting work done. Ooo, ahh. It should be done more often.

I am a huge dork.

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 20:58:42 GMT

Artkidzach (1:13:55 PM): Gary Oldman
Artkidzach (1:14:17 PM): Gary Coleman?
Artkidzach (1:14:30 PM): Mr. Colson?
Artkidzach (1:14:41 PM): I'm ron Burgundy??
Artkidzach (1:15:08 PM): burgundy is a nice color.....kind of like maroon.
Artkidzach (1:15:18 PM): which is kind of like red
Artkidzach (1:15:24 PM): red is cool
Artkidzach (1:15:29 PM): I wish I could see it.
Artkidzach (1:15:38 PM): but it always turns out green
Artkidzach (1:16:02 PM): green and red are christmas colors
Artkidzach (1:16:10 PM): christmas has the word christ in it
Artkidzach (1:16:23 PM): christ's first name was jesus
Artkidzach (1:16:32 PM): jesus was a child molester
Artkidzach (1:16:36 PM): kind of like brad
Artkidzach (1:16:45 PM): brad is standing behind you
Artkidzach (1:16:57 PM): somewhere
Artkidzach (1:17:03 PM): back there
Artkidzach (1:17:10 PM): in the shadows
Artkidzach (1:17:26 PM): the shadows of child molestation
TheMange42 (1:17:33 PM): creeeeeepy

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 18:51:06 GMT

So, Bobby yelled at me yesterday saying I never post anymore. So, I will write a super update today because I have tons of things better to do but I am stuck working in the computer so why the hell not. Here we go.

So, last weekend we started to move into the new house. But, do to random issues we were unable to fully move out. Mostly errands and a few last minute house issues that I don't need to go into. So, we are still at the castle for awhile. Oh well, that's ok. At least we got to game in the new house that one time. That was a lot of fun. But I am getting off task. So, two weeks ago I had a paper due. But because I am a lazy ass and have been unable to concentrate on it, I didn't get it done for a week. So it is a week late. Oh well, at least I got it done. And then I found out that my drawing portfolio was due the monday I turned in my paper. The night before it was due. Meaning I was screwed as I hadn't done any of the work yet. Woot woot. But I got it done and turned it in wednesday morning. So, at least I got it done. So, after two days of straight drawing, I then had a final painting project due that wednesday night. So, after little sleep, had an art history review and then had to work on my project. So, I am making interactive comic magnets. Totally awesome. Anyway, didn't get that done but we didn't have a crit on that so I have till monday. And now..... shapang!

What else is new. Ummm....I have been trying to get Ross and AK to hang out with us more often. I have been talking to them a lot lately. And it seems like AK needs to get out more often. And we don't ever get enough of Ross. So, yes. I think they need to come to adult swim. I noticed last night when they came to gaming that they are very similar people. It was really bizarre because I have known Ross for 2 years now and am just starting to get to know AK. And he will do something that I have seen Ross do or say and it is really weird. Haha. Anyway...

So, we gamed last night. And I made good decisions and felt really good. Cast a few flaming spheres, killed a hydra, battled my evil self by turning her into a duck, getting a second Jargumund blade just to have them morph together to become better, faster, stronger. And I have a second jared set of animals. I just dont know what it is yet. What else, oh yes. I want to revamp Jo, but I don't really want to tamper with her outfit much. Yes, I initially stole it straight from the D&D book, but I have adapted it over time. So, I think a few more personal touches and it will be good. And a new hairstyle. Oh yes, and I made Ross explode in firey taco glory. It was delicious.

Other news. My grandmother is dieing. Like, she is literally on her death bed and it as come to the point that I hope she doesn't die until after my finals so that I can go to the funeral. Good god. It's horrible. Her lungs are filling with fluid, she has angina(chest pain), and random unexplained bleeding. So, yeah, she has a month at the most. I called her last night, talked for three minutes and that was it. She gets tired talking on the phone. And it never really sounds like she is lstening to me. But that is how it has always been. But then, she told me she loved me. She never does that. It always seems like she isn't REALLY listening, and that is just because she is pretty damn old. But she gave me indiviudual attention. I cried and called my mom. I almost called bobby crying. hah, that would have been fun. But that's that.

Um... I made a book of friendship for painting. It is supposed to show the unspoken, sad side of friendship. Because you know, everyone says "friends forever" woo, friends are awesome. But you learn over time that not all friendships last. One minute you talk, the next you drift appart. And there are pictures of people in it, all smiling, happy, making funny faces. And they have thought bubbles which say something depressing like "it's only polite conversation now" or "We don't speak. Ever." or "We have drifted appart and the jokes aren't the same anymore". L.Cooper said it made her uncomfoortable. I am very proud of that.

I talked to Kristy Picket today. Nothing like talking to old friends. It makes you remember who you were, and recognize who you have become. I like who I have become. Liz was picking on me today for being nostalgic. Sometimes I get like this. I guess that is why I am listening to this certain Blur cd today. The best of cd reminds me of a lot of different people. Like, I could assign a person to each song. I think that is why I don't listen to it that often anymore. The song I am listening to right now has a slightly different meaning. It used to make me think of a previous interest of mine, but now it makes me think of last year and the dorms. And the one right before this is my sad song. It's funny, it isn't exactly a sad song. But it makes me think of my friends that I have right now, and how I am trying to hold on to them. How we are all sort of walking blind, blundering around unsure of what we are doing exactly. It makes me think of the 5 anyway, me, Liz, Ethan, Zach, and Bryan. I don't know why at all. It's really weird. But that is how I feel. Guhh... sentimental weeks. I think it is also that it is the end of the semester and I want to go home. I don't want to leave people here, but I want to see my family. I want to see my neighbors. I miss Bobby a lot. I really need to see him. I saved some pics of him and his herpersville friends to my computer recently and they made me sad. He is so happy with them, and I am jealous of them. I don't have any good pictures of us together. I dont have many good pictures of Bobby in general. His picture in my friendship book had this thought bubble: "I have been friends with Amy for 12 years. I will never be able to get rid of her. It makes me happy.".

So, I think I really should stop typing now. This entry is already too long. Oh fuck it, no it isnt.

I got into my major. TIME. So, I signed up for all my classes last week. I wasn't able to take the Animation I course. I had conflictions with mandatory TIME classes, so, I will have to take it next semester. So I am taking the 3d modeling class. Means I get to design things on the computer, and then build them in life. Can you say clay? woot. And then I am taking the Introduction to Gaming class. Though animation is my focus, I am still very interested in game design. So, this should be fun. I am going to end up with most of my classes with Zach, so that's cool. I really hope that it doesn't become a Zach and Bryan party, cause Bryan switched majors. I am actually really afraid of that. But oh well.

I want to have a taco party. TACOS!

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 06:27:57 GMT

This week has been crazy. I finally got most of my work done. Got my paper done, my portfolio turned in, and my painting homework started. They like my "friendship" book in painting. I am happy.

And I have finally, fully moved on.

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 00:12:51 GMT

I am angry at Penny Arcade. Very angry. And I am beginning to hate Tycho, so this better be a joke, or I will be VERY upset.

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 09:12:10 GMT

I've finished the paper...

YAY!

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 07:18:33 GMT

I am totally stalking him.

Sat, 16 Apr 2005 23:49:09 GMT

So, today I go downstairs to put on my sneakers, and there was a weird lump in the bottom of my right shoe. I pulled them off to check it and it was something under the bottom lining of the shoe. And it felt like the lining was coming off. So, I moved it around and the lump moved. So I pulled it a little more and it moved again, so I tried to pull it out. And out comes a little disposable pull tab for Kaile's juice. Someone removed the lining of my BRAND NEW sneakers, and put garbage in it. What the fuck?

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 06:51:59 GMT

The new house is so amazing. We gamed in the cuby sun room. On the floor. With three pizzas and soda. It was the best night of the week.